My inner critic.

I'm going to write simply to write because I haven't done that, it seems, in ages.

So I've been at the new position for a little over three weeks and The Overwhelmed Me is really starting to take a step (or few) forward. I truly need to take the time to develop and organizational system that works best for me, yet it's mildly difficult to do so since I'm distracted by deadline a lot.

The people are amazing, the work is incredible, but it's just dealing with all this newness and prioritizing my work and writing time. I realize that I just need to own all of this work and take the time to build a manageable system because it will make me feel more productive and useful. This past week, I feel like my productivity and usefulness has waned because more items are starting to build up.

Meghan, my older sister, was telling me about how she went to lunch with a female executive mentor at her company, and how the conversation steered around the idea of The Inner Critic. This is a sensationalized term in pop-psychology where the voice in your head that berates a person for being "bad" or "worthless" or some other negative term which causes self-doubt.

The point is that I have a ridiculously large inner critic and it truly does affect the way that I perform. I know that I am amazing and wonderful and thoughtful at the creative work that I produce, but there's this perfectionist side who completely obsesses upon the little things such how I'm perceived and the quality of my work. I'll tell myself that I'm awkward around people, or that I'm weird, or whatever. And obviously, the more I feed myself these thoughts then the more I become it.

I'm over it. So beyond over it. It's exhausting and debilitating.

I purchased The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell which analyzes why people are successful from their origins. It also, so I'm told, explores areas of self-doubt.

What about you? Am I the only one who can get plain ole down on myself? How do you manage to control your inner critic? Stories? I relish reading real thoughts.

And finally, I promise that Postpositions will be updated this weekend since it's a loooong one.

Yay!