Okay, so you know the saying, "Every one you meeting is either a lesson or a blessing?" I really, truly believe that. Or what about, "Worrying is like praying for what you don't want to happen."
I've learned to ask myself, "What's the worst that can happen?" And it's been so useful because I have to intellectualize it. And if I visualize the horrible thought and then buffer it with possibilities of what could or could not happen--positive or negative--then fundamentally I am okay.
I talk to my mom every day, and I love what she's been through and the many types of women she's represented throughout her life. Instead of rolling my eyes at what she has to say, I now soak up her words.
There are people who act out of ways that I can't explain, and it's not for me to take personally. People are acting out of the lessons they need to go through; and so am I. And I've reacted my most of my life and I've taken things personally, but that's something for me to get over because it's just not serving me well--at all.
Putting things into perspective: I was taking Zooey (muh cat) outside on Wednesday night to be wild and wander, and my neighbor had just come home from the doctor's. She came up to talk to us, when Adam had just heard that he had received an analyst position from APS. When he came outside and told us the good news, my 60-year-old neighbor started bawling. She's been looking for a job for awhile, and had just found out that she was diagnosed with a type of cancer that was in the early stages, but that the VA couldn't cover. Because she didn't have a car, she asked if I could drive her to the bank. I did, and she just vented about her life.
What I've learned at hospice is that it's not about you, it's about the patient. Don't talk about your experiences of life--this is their moment. So I took that into account, and was just there for her in my Chevy as she cried and then guided her through Chase as she soaked everything in. That moment was hers.
I thought so much about her (and other things) throughout the week. And I'm never going to forget that experience. Because as much as I gripe about what I'm worrying about, there's always something that I can do to help others. And I don't have to care how people react to me because it's probably more about them than anything else.
I'm off to Ryan House in a few hours, and I'm just grateful that there's more to life than my self. My super small self that can make everything seem so big and all about me.
Ever taken things personally and then wonder why?