7.25.2015

Post ideas: The annotated version.

Hi. It's me. How are ya, friend?
So, whenever I blog or have an idea of something I'd like to write about, and it lives in my head for a few days, I like to write down the topic in an unpublished post. The idea then floats away, as it usually does, and I don't know why I don't follow through to write it.

Procrastination?
Life duties?
Whatever excuse?

But, here are some thoughts I had in mind. Let me know what you think. Would you read any of these (in meatier detail)?

The girl with crippling anxiety: Okay, yes, dramatic... But there's a point. This was going to be a memory I had about a seventh grader who I taught when I was a middle school teacher. This girl would a) never come to school, or b) complete her school work up at the front office under the supervision of the administration. One day, the vice principal called my classroom, and the girl had asked if she could attend my language arts class. Of course I wouldn't have her interact, but observe for her to feel safe and take her time. My students ended up getting hyper and just making her laugh, which eventually made her open up very slowly, feel welcome, and then she starting coming to class and ditching the front office.

I felt good that she felt safe with us, and it's in those moments where I really miss teaching. But also just reflecting how fragile humans can be. She was just a 12-year-old deeply afraid of being vulnerable with others, and I totally get that. It's what makes us human, and I can't help but admire her. I'll always remember that girl. She inspired me.

Why Frasier's dad is the perfect father: So, Adam and I have been on a bit of a Frasier kick lately. And Niles just cracks me up. He always has. But the dad, who is this rough, hard-ass ex-cop continually let's the pompous statements that his pretentious boys be who they are. He knows they have a strong moral compass and good character--just like his father--and Marty knows that this is what really matters. He never forced them to be like him: more rugged, strong, into sports, beer, whatever. Anyway, the point is that he didn't try to fit them in a box and he basically pulled a Maria Montessori and let him do their own thannng. In the original post idea, I was going to break it down into specific Marty Crane gifs, but how many people out there are Frasier fans? (Answer: EVERYONE.)

Flashback--My Livejournal and why I continue to write publicly: This is one I'm going to write a lengthier response to. I always hear older people mention, "Why do people post this? Or write that? Or do this online? They'll regret it in x amount of years." And that's great for them. Have that perspective. But for me, it's my legacy. The Livejournal I read was a 17- 18- 19- and 20-year-old people who I am not today, but it was refreshing hearing her voice, and embarrassing to read her opinions, and inspiring to learn how passionate she was about mundane things that get lost in our heads. I saw how she used to graphic design. I saw how into anime she was. I stood back with fresh eyes as she went through first romantic relationships. I write because I want to share that part of myself a) to you, and b) to remember me. Call that egotistical, but I think we can learn from our past selves.

Oh, my... There are so many more. But, I'll keep these "Annotated Post Ideas" on the back burner for now and mayyyyybe make this a post series. That way, I don't completely neglect these little ideas I want to bring to life.

What about you? Burning topics in your head that you just want to get out... And then eventually forget? ;)


7.22.2015

It's all about patience, y'all. Stupid freaking patience.

Ever feel like your plans aren't going the way you expected? That happens all the time, I know.

Right now, it's magnified for us. Adam and I are trying to get pregnant, trying to find a home, and trying to stabilize our careers. But everything feels, just, well... exhausting.

I don't want to write something that's not from my heart, so I'm just going to write. Warning: potential typos due to blahs. Another warning: potential TMIs.

Trying to get pregnant is hard. It just is. I know my body. I know my rhythm. I thought it would be simple. Even though it's only been under two months since we've tried, I've spend about $80 on pregnancy tests with a big fat: not pregnant every. single. time.

It's disheartening. Even more, I'm late. By 15 days. Took a test this morning and the glaring "not pregnant" just stared back at me.

Trying to get pregnant is difficult, no matter how much fun people think it is. I've never been this late with one exception, so I went to the doctor's to get a blood test and another test to measure my estrogen levels.

Has anyone ever struggled with... skipping a period when they were outstandingly regular? I have no idea what's going on. And because I don't know what's going on, how can we plan? The common answer is, "You're stressed." But the common response is: "I'm always stressed."

At the same time, we were pre-approved for a home last week. Adam and I were pumped and it was a blast shopping for homes this weekend. On Sunday, we found a home we loved in a central area: two stories, about 1,600 square feet, dark cherry laminate wood flooring, updated and stylish kitchen, and three bedrooms, a fireplace, lemon trees. We put an offer on the table.

Well, we discovered that the seller was out of town in Italy (why are you out of town when you put your house on the market?) and that we were the first offer, but someone else put in an offer, too. It was AFTER ours. We also learned that their offer was lower than ours, but then our agent told us that the seller decided to take it off the market.

?

What does this mean? Our agent is convinced this is positive for us. But. Why take it off the market? I have analyzed this in so many different ways, but in talking to my Sister the Lawyer, she believes that the seller will give the people who offered a lower price an opportunity to beat our offer, and then ask us to counter seeing who will pay the most.

It's just a really frustrating waiting process. And with our agent not getting back to us since 11 a.m., it's frustrating because we're in the dark. About the home. About being pregnant. About all this in-between, sticky life stuff.

My mom does this thing where she just honks the horn when she's driving her car. I've learned to love this habit because I will just honk to get any frustration. Because right now, we're living in this frustration with miscommunication and misunderstanding.

And it's driving me maaaaaaaad.

Okay, rant over. Typos over. This is a moment where you just want to yell at someone for no good reason, when the real reason is just everything above.

Ever feel like that? Any not-so-great moments happening in your life that you count on? Okay, okay... With those questions, here's my answer. Screw this. I am letting go of any expectations and just going with it. Ride it like a wave, right? I am done planning for a pregnancy, and putting my trust into an idea because that's all it is--an idea. And if you force something, nothing natural's going to come out of it. I get it.

Oh, being emotional. Grrrrrarggggallinbetweeentomoregrrrandarrggss.

7.12.2015

Right now.

Thanks to Danielle at Sometimes Sweet for this post idea.
Reading Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl purely based on what I saw in theaters. It was such a visual film, I wonder how the book pulled it off. And in creative writing, the main rule of thumb is not to lie to the reader. For example, never end your story with: "It was all a dream." But as a reader, I'd like to say this hold truth to being a TV/movie watcher, too. They did something similar in the film which totally made upset BECAUSE I TRUSTED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.

Also reading Taking Control of Your Fertility, recommended by my sister (in law) Mattie at If Only, Lola Lee. I honestly thought it would be easy for me to get pregnant, but after thinking Adam and I did everything right this first month with planning and logging after we decided to try, it didn't happen. Not going to lie and say I'm not disappointed--because I am. But, I am ready to, as the book says, take control. :P

Watching a lot of Frasier. I am seriously going to write a post about how Marty Crane is the ideal father. He just lets Frasier and Niles be these delightfully pretentious individuals and supported them through their childhood pleasures. He let them be who they are. Applause to that.

Oh, and I saw Obvious Child finally (after avoiding it due to maybe emotions), and just think every woman should see it. And the movie is named after this Paul Simon song (which gives it so much more meaning), and Jenny Slate--well, she's just a genius female comedian.

Planning to move out of this apartment (finally!) and in to this rental home. Well, fingers crossed at least. It's in this great location and has that perfect brick-house look. I know it's going to get snagged quickly. But... inside the house, it's trapped somewhere in the 50s or the 70s. It has awful green shag carpeting and everything else looks like it belongs in a grandmother's house, If we flipped the home, it would be perfect. Seriously perfect. It has bay windows, two fireplaces, and a large backyard with orange trees located smackdab in uptown Phoenix. Love. But, if we rent it--we can definitely make it a doable living space.

Listening to a lot of BØRNS. I actually won these tickets on the radio station ALT AZ 93.3 to one of their graduate sessions. It's like this private concert within their studio, and then BØRNS will play a bigger one at Crescent Ballroom. Arizona has gone through the motions with radio stations in a big way these last ten years. And finally there's this station that plays indie music and music from the emo years (early 2000s). It's like they finally get that millenials listen to random stuff on Spotify, yet miss the days of Dashboard Confessional, Deftones, Beastie Boys, and so on and so forth. Finally.

Oh, and then I totally cleaned the apartment yesterday and got these adorable organizing boxes at Home Goods. Found so many random memories and tossed so many others. Found my Foreigner, David Bowie, and Eric Clapton CDs. So, I'm pretty sure that's going to be my one-hour to-and-from-work-drive music.

Anyway, that's honestly what's going on over in Constableland! I love my slow-and-steady, modest life. It's the best.


What's going on with you? Any book, music, or TV recommendations?